If I'm being truthful,

this is a page that is mostly for me. It can be for you as well, if you want to get to know me on a deeper level compared to the overview on the previous page, but I do not have any expectations of others spending their time reading words that I wrote where the main purpose is to talk about myself.

I say all of that not to evoke feelings of self-pity, to come off as narcissistic, or to bait a reaction out of any visitors to my site. Instead, I’m practicing being honest and straightforward with my intentions and my words - something that I am working on when interacting with others as well as with myself.

If you do proceed forward, splendid - and I hope you learn something new about me. If you don’t proceed forward, that is just as well. Either way, I wish you the best :)

Oh, and this page (as well as much of my personal site) is inspired by what Derek Sivers did with his website. It was a real inspiration for me to do something similar myself so I wanted to give credit where credit is due. Special thanks to my friend, Dan Andersen, who not only introduced me to Derek’s site but was the one who built and designed my own.

My Timeline

My approach and aspirations for life.

I see life as a grand adventure where I seek continuous growth, meaningful connection, and self-understanding. I subscribe to the belief that life is not fair and remind myself of those words in situations both ideal and dissatisfactory. I strive for a full and interesting life with my definition of those descriptors being the most important. I aim to live to be at least 111 years old, understanding that life can be so very long while also recognizing that it can end in a flash at any time. At the end of my days, my hope is to die empty.

And underlying all of the above, I seek to live a life in peace.

A grand adventure:

When I hear "grand", I think "magnificent".
When I hear "adventure", I think "fun journey"

Why wouldn't I want my life to be a magnificent, fun journey? It sure beats imagining it as a slow slog to the grave.

Continuous growth:

I aim to continue growing until the day that I die.

The rate of growth will fluctuate and the areas in which I seek growth will change over the years. What matters though is that I do not stop constantly moving forward - sometimes slowly but always steadily.

Every single day holds the potential to evolve. A life well lived is transforming that potential into reality.

Meaningful connection:

There are few things that I find as energizing as truly relating with other humans. Whether with someone I have known for decades or a complete stranger, I will rarely pass up the opportunity to engage in a conversation about topics that matter like hopes and dreams, insecurities and fears, beliefs and intentions.

I have been amazed how deeply you can get to know someone over a relatively short amount of time when focusing on topics of substance.

What I seek from those interactions is to get to know someone, not merely to know about someone as I think there is a vast difference between the two.

Self-understanding:

There is no person that I am with for 100% of my existence. Therefore, it is of the utmost importance that I create a solid working relationship with myself. It took me a while to see the importance of this one, and it takes work every day to continue the process.

Life is not fair:

Whenever I was a kid and would complain about life not giving me what I wanted, my mom would often tell me, “Life is not fair. Get over it.” By the time that I had hit double digits in age, that sentiment was firmly established in my mind.

As the years have gone by, the first four words of what she said have made a much larger impact on my life than I would have expected. The obvious is that I have learned to complain less, focusing less on the perceived injustice done to me and more on possible actions that are within my power. I know that most things are outside of my control in life but I have come to know that there is far more than I typically initially think that is within my power to change.

In a bigger way though, her words have helped me be more grateful. Most early uses of the statement for me were in regards to situations I found unfair in a negative way. When I flipped that sentiment and realized that life is not fair in the sense that I was blessed with far more than would have been allotted to me in a random draw of all humans on Earth, that struck me deeply. The support system, opportunities, and experiences that I have been given are so immense compared to most. It isn’t fair so all I can do is make the most of those gifts and be grateful that they came my way.

Full and interesting life:

I get one shot at this life - something that I remind myself of quite often. With those years, I want my life to be filled to the brim.

By interesting, I mean that I want to focus on those tasks and activities that truly interest me - those areas where I feel incredibly alive while partaking in them.

Living to 111:

With proper care of my body and mind, some good genes, and a decent amount of luck, I see no reason why I cannot live with a good quality of life to 111 years. Viewing life at that potential length helps me keep a higher level viewpoint and utilize patience in most situations.

At the same time, I am not so naive as to think that a life like that is guaranteed - accidents happen, diseases happen, disasters happen. No days in our lives as humans are guaranteed so I also aim to maintain an attitude of urgency so that I will not look back at the end of my days, whenever they may be, and say “I wish that I did this” or “I wish I tried that”.

Life is both short and long; switching between and utilizing both of those viewpoints helps me keep proper perspective and make the most of my days and years.

Dying empty:

When my final breath comes, I hope that I am able to say that I did all that I wanted to do and I do not have anything left inside. Anything I did not give would die with me, potential that never got the chance to be fulfilled.

A life in peace:

More than happiness, more than money, more than love, I want peace. I'm not completely sure why exactly that is yet; it is a subject that warrants further reflection. But those words feel right at the moment.

A childlike curiosity

I strive to be just as curious as a child. Actually, I’d prefer to be more so. There is simply too much to learn about myself and our world around us.

When reflecting, I realize that I lost much of my curiosity during my school-age years while pursuing the coveted “A” in school. The learning was always secondary to the grade, and I am sad to say that there is so much that I do not remember from my 17 years of formal schooling. In a vacuum, I regret that mindset, but life is not a vacuum. That viewpoint and the subsequent actions taken led me to where I am now.

If I had to place a year on it, I would say that it was in 2019 that I started asking “why” again. Slowly, my curiosity started to emerge from its dormant state as I began earnestly seeking ideas, questions, and answers. Day by day, I accepted my ignorance on the vast majority of subjects and lost the self-consciousness that I thought was protecting me from feelings of embarrassment or inadequacy but was instead hindering my ability to learn and grow. Only once I stopped trying to seem smart could I take steps to acquiring true knowledge, wisdom, and understanding.

In time, that three letter word, “why”, has become one of my favorite and most used words as it has led to both some of my deepest interpersonal connections as well as expanding my idea of what is possible to do with my one shot at life. It is largely because of this curiosity that I began making progress in learning Tagalog and German as I was no longer scared to ask all the questions that came to mind (and there are a lot; just ask my teachers or my parents) while being largely unashamed when making the many mistakes necessary to learn a new language. The Gray Podcast would never have come to life if my main focus was still on not failing. And, maybe most importantly, if not for this inquisitiveness, I would not have started pursuing the path of living life on my own terms so that I can do what I truly love and what I believe will make a difference with the majority of the hours of each day.

Curiosity may have killed the cat, but I believe that it is one of the secrets for us humans to make the most of our years on Earth. Though my younger years may have been squandered in this respect, there are hopefully many years left for me to more than make up for the lost time.

Asking better questions and listening for better answers.

Connecting with other humans is one of my greatest joys and passions in life. The key to finding depth in those relationships? See the title of this section.

I always enjoyed deep conversations, but they did not used to come at the frequency that I desired. I had to wade through a number of shallow, boring conversations before being able to get to the good stuff. I saw it as luck when I came across people that could engage at the level that I desired.

Things did not change until I started looking at what was within my power versus blaming other people or circumstance (I talk about this more in the below section, Complaining and Agency). It was not that the other person could not engage at a deeper level but instead that I was not asking good enough questions and/or was not listening for the answers with the intent of understanding.

With that change of approach, I found that any talk with another person holds the potential for meaningful connection. Everyone has a story or insight to contribute if quality questions are asked and a listening ear is available.

In order to practice these skills as well as encourage others to try and see their benefits, I started The Gray Podcast and The Unnamed Podcast (probably to be released later this year).

Quiet, alone time

I need silent solitude to recharge. Without it, exhaustion builds over time until it usually comes crashing down on me and I need a few days to recharge.

I did not know this about myself for most of my life and it took more time after the realization to start applying it consistently. It feels good to see my calendar full - connecting with friends in person or via FaceTime is one of my favorite activities. I think it makes me feel important because of the thought that important people have full schedules. But what feels good is not always for the best, too much of a good thing can be harmful, and to neglect to utilize self-understanding is unwise.

I also need quiet to create. I am not sure how it works for others, but my best ideas and creative work come without the distraction of conversation. I prefer idea generation by myself to brainstorming in groups, and though I can be around others while working, it is best if I have headphones on with white noise on while doing so if I want to actually make progress.

Now, I regularly schedule quiet time in my calendar to be alone, allowing me to restore my energy and produce at my highest levels. Respecting this time has become one of the pillars to being my best self both for myself and for others.

Family ties

It was pretty easy for me to come to the conclusion that family is important to me. That is a thought shared by many people (though I do recognize there is a sizable number of people for whom that idea does not resonate). The much more difficult question to answer was “why is family important to me?”

I see my life as one built upon the shoulders of the family members that have come before me. The events of their lives all contributed to putting me into the position that I am in today - the decisions of grandparents to move within the Philippines from provinces to cities and the choices that my parents each made to move from the Philippines to the United States are two that immediately come to mind.

Without their sacrifices, my life would look nothing like it does today.

Now, this does not mean though that I need to live my life exactly as my parents or older relatives would desire of me; after all, my life is mine at the end of the day. But I do strongly weigh their thoughts and options as well as our family traditions when choosing how I want to live. Filial piety is a concept that I believe in and work to adhere to not only because it was taught to me through the words and actions of my parents but because I genuinely believe it to be the right thing to do.

There is a respect that I believe we owe to the generations of humans who came before us as they have created the world we now have before us. Is it perfect? No, because humans are imperfect beings. But I choose to believe that they did the best that they could with the information that they had available.

And all of that is to say, if my parents want to come live with me in their old age so that someone can take care of them - they are more than welcome to do so.

Becoming a doer

Much of my early twenties was spent planning. I planned to learn another language. I planned to create a side business. I planned to do all sorts of things.

That planning, while it may have felt as though it was moving me forward, did almost nothing to move the needle of fulfillment in my life. Those hours and days spent planning resulted in no true growth in my mind, body, or spirit. It was activity masquerading as progress.

And then, I decided that I would stop planning and start doing. I started working out on a schedule and tracking my food. I started reading every day. I started learning Tagalog. I started taking photos daily. I started The Gray Podcast. I sucked at most, if not all, of the new tasks at the beginning but kept going anyway. Each action not only helped me grow into my ideal self but made it easier to avoid hesitation when starting the next venture.

I talked earlier about how long life can be; in that time, there is so much that we can each do with those years. Always wanted to pick up an instrument? Been interested in a new hobby and been planning to start for years? Dreamed of visiting particular part of the world? Figure out the first real step that you can take that will move you forward and start down the path. If you need help in this, reach out and I’ll be glad to help :)

In the meantime, I’m going to follow my own advice and get working on my various projects and My Impossible List.

Creating > Consuming

Most of my life I have been a consumer. I have and continue to consume goods, tv shows, social media, books, movies, et cetera. Some of those have expanded my perspective and worldview in a meaningful way where I was a better version of myself afterwards. More than I am happy to admit though were distractions that took one of my most precious resources - time - and depleted it while yielding no substantial result.

Much of that passive consumption was due to the limiting belief that I was not creative. Other people had the skills and talents as well as the calling to create, but that was not who I was. I wasn’t made that way.

At the age of four, I began playing the violin. Classically trained, mostly with the Suzuki method, I had this idea from an early age of the type of music that I played - it was classical music or nothing. On a rather regular basis, the program with which I was associated would have workshops designed to introduce us to different teachers, styles, and aspects of music. I remember distinctly that, whenever there was instruction on improvisation or fiddling, I struggled. The constant reinforcement that I gave myself was, “You play the music written by others (consumption). You do not write or make your own music (creation).”

There is something both energizing and addicting about the process of creation. I am only starting to scratch the surface but know that this is the path I need to follow.

Compaining and agency

When I hear a complaint, my immediate reaction is to ask the question, “What are you going to do about it?”

I was not always like this though. Before, I could complain with the best of them (side note: I’ve always wondered who makes up the proverbial “them”). It was by taking Will Bowen’s 21 Day No Complaint Challenge that I realized not only how much I was complaining but also the impact it had on my life and all with whom I was interacting (I recorded a podcast episode with my friend Marc Davis about our experience with the challenge that can be found here.

I think I used to complain to connect with others. “This line is so long.” “Can you believe what ___ did?” “It is so unfair that we were assigned this homework before a break.” It was through a common enemy or perceived injustice that I related to others. But is that really the most effective way? I believe that we can do better.

When complaining, we tend to focus on that which we cannot control. In seeking a topic upon which to complain, I would send my mind searching for something that made me a victim and thereby put my mind in defensive mode (a concept from Caroline Webb’s book, How to Have a Good Day). With that, I also lost my sense of agency and was far less likely to find an effective step forward.

Complaining is also extremely contagious, often becoming a competition for who is in the worst position, which adds to the number of people seeking solace in victimhood versus what they can control.

That little question - “what are you going to do about it?” - has helped me keep my mind in discovery mode (the opposite of defensive mode) to seek possible solutions. I believe that in many situations, there is far more that we can control than we think; we have it within our power to drastically change our own lives.

Before moving onto the next section, there is one point I want to clarify. I do not think that we should avoid discussing areas of life where we are not satisfied; ignorance is not what we are seeking. There are certainly times where injustices or bad happenings should be brought to attention. The problem is when we stop at simply mentioning the issue without proceeding to possible solutions. The intent of our actions matters. I do not perfectly refrain from complaining but am improving each day at using my words to grow versus stagnate.

My faith

My Catholic faith has always been a part of my life. At times, I have given it my time, attention, and money to show that it truly matters to me. Lately, I have only been saying that it matters without the subsequent action.

This is one of the biggest areas that I am actively working to show through my actions how important it is in my life.

What do you do?

When we are younger, the question is “What do you want to be when you grow up?” As we enter adulthood, that turns into the question, “What do you do?”

I do not mind the former as long as there is no ridicule for a child’s answer that diminishes his/her dreams because they are not “realistic”. When utilized correctly, the question can inspire hope for children regarding what is possible they do with their lives. If we ask children this question and then give them the time and space to answer honestly, I am optimistic that they can change not only their lives but many of those around them, for the better.

The latter though is a question that, at best, I find annoying and, at worst, I loathe. We simply place too much importance on the particular question, and I think it does a poor job of answering who we truly are. I typically find a person’s occupation one of the least interesting things about them; instead, I love hearing about their loves and interests, their thoughts and beliefs, and their aspirations and dreams.

For some people, the answer to all of those prompts is in their current career, but I would venture a guess that for many others, it lies elsewhere. If a person finds true passion in their job or career, I am all ears. When I see someone’s eyes light up with passion talking about “what they do”, I cannot help but be captivated. But for the rest of us, let’s talk about the things that actually matter to us versus the stand-in prompt that we have used for far too long.

Daily Doings

If I had to choose one word to explain my growth during my adult life, it would be consistency.

I used to seek quick fixes and shortcuts. I used to seek motivation and use its absence as the reason I was not living my dreams. Now, I know the power of little actions taken each day.

Evolving over the last few years, here are the items that I seek to do most, if not every, day:

• Taking cold showers
  
• Journaling
  
• Reading
  
• Meditating
  
• Working out (besides planned rest days)
  
• Language learning
  

Now, these habits were not built overnight and they certainly did not all happen at once. One by one, I added them to my life over the years by doing a little bit at a time. The power of compounding has changed my life into something I would not even have imagined a few short years ago.

I'll end this part by saying how thankful I am to authors like James Clear (Atomic Habits) and Charles Duhigg (The Power of Habit) because their books changed my life. I would encourage you to check those two books out.

I'm long winded and wordy, but I'm actively working on it.

As you might tell from above, I have a problem with saying a lot. When in doubt, my tendency is to say or write more words. Unfortunately, much of that is often fluff. As I write more, I am being more thoughtful with my words.

A lot of the above is pretty wordy; it took me longer than expected to write the above so I left it as it was after the initial go. I'll make edits over time to be more succinct while keeping the same underlying message.

In more ways than not, I'm still very much trying to figure this whole "life" thing out.

At the end of the day, I recognize that I’m still so early in the process. Being in my twenties, there is hopefully so much ahead to experience and to learn, and I have no illusions about being far from having this all figured out.

Above is a summary of my understanding at the moment. As I continue learning and experiencing more in life, I’ll update this to reflect those changes.

Other miscellany

• I do not find much enjoyment in movies and no matter how good someone may tell me a movie is, I am unlikely to take the time to watch it.
  
• I am an early riser and actually love the early morning hours. If given the choice, I prefer 4:00 AM to 11:00 PM.
  
• I avoid constant bickering or being passive aggressive in all relationships of my life. I find both methods of resolving conflict to be exhausting and not the most effective way to improve the situation. These past few years, I have been working to be more direct in my communication (though I do still have a ways to go).
  
• Pandas, beavers, and hyenas are my first, second, and third favorite animals, respectively.
  
• I could easily survive on a very plain diet, e.g. rice, eggs, chicken, spinach, etc., but I am also a pretty adventurous eater. The only things that I for sure will not eat again are brains (because they have the worst texture when they coat your mouth), peas (because they are the most disgusting food in the world), and corn in its raw form (because they are yellow peas).